Walking Away From Over A Decade Of Faking A Happy Relationship

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It?s been a tumultuous two to three weeks. Totally. Extremely.

It?s been so rough, I?ve barely been able to focus or concentrate on anything work-wise, this blog included.

I just can?t write when my heart and head are all wrapped up in the live, ongoing waves of change pounding inside of me.

I have finally walked away from a relationship that has not nourished me in more than a decade and a half.

Am I angry at my ex-partner? I cannot in all honesty say, ?No longer.?

We were together for 16 years, 5 months, 3 weeks and 4 days.

That is a long, long time.

Few, very few, can possibly imagine how it feels like to pretend to be happy in a relationship that is killing you for that long.

They only know how to judge out of their narrow, narrow minds.

But at least now I?m no longer red, raw, angry. I?m no longer bleeding from fresh wounds reopened daily.

I am calmer. More at peace.

I?m more sad than angry though. Because?

I?m not the only one who?s hurt.

Every time we fail to see what a relationship truly needs, both parties get hurt.

This whole debacle has hurt and wounded both of us. Badly.

16 years is a long time for the both of us to inflict hurt and suffering on one another. To build up resentments, anger, dissatisfaction and all the good stuff of dysfunctional relationships.

Not having the courage to walk away from a relationship that is obviously not working is the one sure way to create a dysfunctional relationship.

We all want companionship. We want someone to ?love us?. We crave ?love?.

The greatest thing you?ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.
? Nature Boy

It is the great romantic idea, the great idealistic illusion.

However if we were to be truly, deeply, madly honest with ourselves, we?d see and face the ugly, ugly truth about ourselves.

Many of us fear being alone so badly that we would rather linger in a decaying relationship that does not feed us, grow us, nurture or support us.

How sad is that? How destructive? For both parties?

This is not love. It is fear.

You know what?s the hardest part?

The hardest part is knowing:

• No one I know, friend or family, will support my decision to walk away.
• Most everyone will label me as the bad guy, or gal in this case, for my decision.
• No one believes that emotional abuse is real.

It doesn?t matter why I?m walking away. The very fact that I?m walking away from a 16 year relationship is enough cause to label me as the bad guy, or gal in this case.

I?m the one destroying a ?perfectly good relationship?, one that has ?lasted so long?.

People equate relationship lifespan with relationship quality. Fucking bullshit.

I hurt. I hurt to write this. I don?t want to but I have to. I have to get it out because it is important. It must be seen. This bullshit about perfect relationships, and even worse, eternal relationships.

That a relationship has to last forever ?till death do us part?, in order to be considered a ?successful? relationship and for both parties to be considered ?successful? at their relationship.

That is yet another reason why people don?t walk away sooner when they really should. When they should end the relationship while the going is still good, when enemies haven?t been made yet, when hate and resentment and poison haven?t been fostered yet.

But nooo? while the going is still good, everyone will say, ?But it?s still early, why not give it another chance? Why not try again? Why give up something while the going is still good??

It?s because everyone subscribes to the stupid idea of Happily Ever After.

Happily Ever After has destroyed more relationships and lives than I care to think about.

I don?t want to write any more for now, even though I have so much more to say on the subject.

It is still too raw.

Life is going to be different. Fuck, what am I saying? It already is.

I?m happy that it is. I?m happy where I am. I?m struggling, adapting, but happier and freer than I have been in over a decade.

I can breathe again. I can laugh again. And I have been laughing a lot. Face splitting belly laughter, something I feel like I haven?t done in fucking years.

With someone who sees me, accepts me for who I am, what I am. Someone with whom I can share with at last, give to and receive from, freely, openly, easily, happily.

Good bye to the past. Face forward to the unforeseeable future. With a smile.

[photo credit: hindrik s]

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Source: http://silverhuang.com/walking-away-from-over-a-decade-of-faking-a-happy-relationship/

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